Way Out There...Lost in the Shuffle...

So, here I go again...number four. It is really hard to find myself on my own once again, and not in the early years of my twenties. I am, as I stated earlier on, a dinosaur... in the stages of the empty-nest syndrome of my life. Finding myself without the children or a hubby to cover any really down time I have or may not have. Or the inadequate feelings I may or may not have about myself. I find myself loving the ice-cream a lot...thank you Bryers and Ben & Gerry...more Bryers...I am hooked on Rocky Road ice-cream...I am not a food-a-holic by no means because in between the jabs of ice-cream and T.V. I turn to the occasional walk with the music to drown out my displeasing thoughts of how did I let myself get here. As the world turns, for a lack of a better way to describe my temporary situation of insanity... temporary of course. I am finding I like having the alone time. Not all the time...but most of the time, especially when I am not working. I like doing a lot of different things, but I find myself without the funds to be able to enjoy the time the way I would really like to spend it. I am still paying for colleges and other stupid mistakes I made along the way. I guess this is why I really am trying to write a book. I have so many stories I could tell and share, or so I have been told by many....Yet, when it all comes down to it...I guess I just think I am so very lucky in so many other ways. I'm just not rich...nor do I have anything of monetary value; except myself. I really pictured myself with so much more at this time in my life. All the mistakes...gosh...I just keep thinking if only I went in this direction instead of that direction, if only I wasn't so pig-headed...if only...but hey...maybe my life's experiences can help other people... somewhere...out there...from making the same crazy choices. Become a guru of choice living...Because, isn't that what living life really is, a series of choices...good, bad, or indifferent...they are choices we make of our own free will. And if they don't turn out the way we want them to...isn't that just what we have...bad choice making. We have no one else to blame but ourselves. So, if we make a bad choice, why not learn from it and start to make new and better choices. I sure know I have the potential for doing just that...So, let me give some great advise...yet never taking it. Sound funny?! It is... how did I keep so sane amongst all this drama of wrong twists and turns in my life...I found the humor in me. I found a way to laugh with myself at some the dumbest points in my life. I look at people, and talk with people every day...and I know I am not in a boat alone trying to paddle my way to safety. I see people when they don't even see themselves, or how they are acting out, in some odd ways...I spoke with a lady just the other day who found out sometime last week she has a tumor in her brain. She was out just walking around after hearing the sad news. She didn't know what she was going to do, she was walking in my direction and decided to stop and talk with me. I have one of those faces...people I don't even know who will come over to me asking for directions, where they can find this or that, or just strike up a conversation with me. I don't understand it, but it happens all the time. So, here is this lady, I don't even really know asking me what I thought she should do. Wow...I thought to myself.... I have problems!? She is a walking, talking, time bomb and she is stopping to talk with me about the aneurysm in her head, which could explode even as we were speaking with one another! Wow!! So, I said to her: "look, you have to take care of yourself...you need the operation...you need to get well again". She looked at me with this sad blankness in her eyes and said, I know...I know your right. I just don't have anyone. I'm alone. I said, "no you're not". We are all here for you. Take care of yourself. She came in yesterday, as I stated to say she is having the surgery on Monday. I said our thoughts and prayers will always be there for you. As she left she stopped to tell anyone who would listen to her about the operation. I had a moment of odd kinship with her. I don't even know her name. How about that for a story. And, it's a true one. So, you see...I know just how lucky I am. I get to go to a job I dislike so much, that I am okay with it, because I get to visit with some very interesting people who just happen to pass my way. How lucky is that....I'll have you know...lucky indeed!