As in the business world.... of Public Relations.... I get to meet and greet hundreds, to thousands of people a day... who are in need of a helping hand with simple solutions to there every day problems... quite simply put... I am a problem solver.... all day long... this is the work I do and the profession I am in. Quite frankly speaking, I never thought or pictured my life in such disarray, at this point in my life, nor did I see myself... here... struggling as I do... today. It makes a cat want to meow endlessly, the fur on the back of the neck stand up and say," pay attention", and a grown person want to slap ya, right upside the head and say, "why...why... oh...why, did you let this happen". "What"... would be my reply...what did I do?! This is were I am presently... I'm off and running... for dear life!
My greatest accomplishment to my credit presently was and still is my two children who are not children any more...they are young adults. I went through a dirty, nasty, divorce...which I still don't understand...after 22 years of marriage on paper... 7 1/2 I actually co-existed with this individual and lived separately the remainder; as I raised my two children alone. Some people follow their heart, I followed the pleas of my children asking me... to...please oh please... not let them become another statistic of a divorced family. So, I did it for them... I remained married to their father.... "This is what I get for having smart children".... I listened with an open heart to their request....knowing I also didn't want them to have to live with the shuffling of here a week and there a week... (as if he wanted to have them at all) syndrome of divorced parents. I know that was there main concern too...because of all the stories they heard from other children at school having to go through this on a week to week bases. My heart & support goes out to any & all families who are going through separations or divorces... When there are children involved it is a hard process of adjustments for all involved. It's hard enough to raise a family in these tough times, together...Period. I some times look back and ask if I did the right thing...questioning myself... and the answer is always, yes... I did what I had to for my children's sake and their well being... I did it all for the right reasons.... I never dated either. But every one's experience is different and has to be viewed that way. There are no easy answers to divorce, when children are involved.
Actually, he never wanted to share the kids, and rarely cared to visit them. We had a running joke... the kids and I... just to see how long it would take him, before he decided to leave. His visits lasted a matter of 15 minutes tops... and he was gone... off and running... This took a toll on me because I over confiscated for everything with the children, making sure every need was met, and then some. I wanted to make sure the kids knew they were loved and it was nothing they did to cause the split, nor was it anything they did...or didn't do to effect our decisions. Their father was just the way he was... and I couldn't live with him without the thought of killing him in his sleep... ha ha... Not really. And, they needed to love him in spite of himself. He liked his night life partying and other entertainments. His friends were first... then, it was his work... whatever work that was for the moment... they all came before his family did... family was secondary. He never told his family; his Mother and Father about the separation... they didn't know for years... When they did finally find out... I was to blame... not their precious son. I boar that burden too. When the holidays rolled around each year we pretended to be a family and showed up together for the holiday celebration... Now, that was a hilarity all in its self... Keeping it from everyone was a real challenge. The kids and I still laugh about it a lot today... I was more of a family type person who liked being with the kids... doing stuff with the kids, taking them on outings... to their games... and just going places with them.... We did a lot of great stuff together... I had a great time being a Mom... it was just a lot of good times... I loved being a Mom... and found out I was good at it.
And, so the day came when some woman he dated... after our long separation... gave him an ultimatum to either get a divorce from me.... finally.... and marry her, or she would be moving on. I'll just bet right now she had wished she did move on. (they're experiencing some rough spots right now) I wish them both all the best and hope they work the kinks out. He was a hard man to live with... for me. I knew than, as I do now that we were not good for each other. I only would have liked to have been a bit more braver and left the jerk when he walked out on me and the kids the first time around, then divorced him on grounds of desertion. I didn't do that... instead I stayed married to him....on paper.... Heine sight...right!
Unlike what he did to me... My son was in his third year at college, and my daughter was starting her second.... when he dropped a bomb shell on me. He took out an ad in our local newspaper... suing me for a divorce on the grounds of desertion; after his girlfriend gave him the ultimatum to get a divorce from me or else... I'm sure. A friend of mine called me while I was visiting with the kids for the holidays and said," hey, did you know you made the newspapers"? I asked, "what are you talking about"? She told me I was being sued for a divorce by my than husband for desertion... "What", I said; You've got to be kidding me... this is all I could keep saying.... over and over...again... WTF.... after 22 years... "Now", is he joking... what desertion is talking about"?! "I didn't desert anyone... I never left the state. I went to another city in the same state to share the holidays with the kids... for gosh sake" What was he thinking... idiot"! "The kids aren't finished with college yet".... he agreed to wait until they were done with college". "well", she said... I guess he changed his mind. "Okay, thanks for the heads up".... I was miffed!!
I had to drive back with my son to where I lived because he would have to drive another 4 hours to get back to his college. When I got back to town, I quickly purchased a newspaper and turned to the back section....there it was... in all it's glory... for all the towns folks to see and bare witness to.... I guess he was banking on me not reading that section of the newspaper... he was right... I never read the back section of the newspaper.... ever! He knew I would be out of town visiting the kids for the holidays... and took advantage of the time frame. What a dirty rat.... what a sneaky thing to do... We lived in the same town all those years and I never bothered him or messed in his personal affairs... I only remained married to him for the kids sake... and wanted to wait until the kids were finished with college before considering any legal actions like a divorce... he never asked for one before, and we had been married this long already; why make any radical changes now. We had talked about it and agreed on waiting until the children were done with college... he told me he never wanted to get remarried again so what was the hurry.... why now?
This was all I could think about over and over again... running it over and over in my head. I was not a fun person to be around. I wasn't ready to let go. I was hoping he would help me pay for the children's college expenses... What was I going to do now... Odd.... how so many of us think of things in reverse when it comes to situations as untimely as this one. Never thinking ahead... this has always been a problem of mine.
My son was attending an Ivy League private school out of state; costly...very costly; and my daughter was attending a very prestigious college in the state where we lived. What was I thinking... him help me pay for college expenses... ha... this joke was on me.... I and the kids got to foot the bill, togehter !! I'm still paying for colleges..... and will for a while. Thank you very much... What a mess that time was and is now... I'm still coming out of it. I had to say good-bye to the children I so loved, and loved being around; so they could pursue their life long goals... attending college and moving on with their lives, I had to let go of a long over due dead marriage, and I had to lay a great cat, a long time friend of the family's... down to rest .... all in such a short time frame. And, I'll have you know I didn't handle any of it well.... Not well at all....
My greatest accomplishment to my credit presently was and still is my two children who are not children any more...they are young adults. I went through a dirty, nasty, divorce...which I still don't understand...after 22 years of marriage on paper... 7 1/2 I actually co-existed with this individual and lived separately the remainder; as I raised my two children alone. Some people follow their heart, I followed the pleas of my children asking me... to...please oh please... not let them become another statistic of a divorced family. So, I did it for them... I remained married to their father.... "This is what I get for having smart children".... I listened with an open heart to their request....knowing I also didn't want them to have to live with the shuffling of here a week and there a week... (as if he wanted to have them at all) syndrome of divorced parents. I know that was there main concern too...because of all the stories they heard from other children at school having to go through this on a week to week bases. My heart & support goes out to any & all families who are going through separations or divorces... When there are children involved it is a hard process of adjustments for all involved. It's hard enough to raise a family in these tough times, together...Period. I some times look back and ask if I did the right thing...questioning myself... and the answer is always, yes... I did what I had to for my children's sake and their well being... I did it all for the right reasons.... I never dated either. But every one's experience is different and has to be viewed that way. There are no easy answers to divorce, when children are involved.
Actually, he never wanted to share the kids, and rarely cared to visit them. We had a running joke... the kids and I... just to see how long it would take him, before he decided to leave. His visits lasted a matter of 15 minutes tops... and he was gone... off and running... This took a toll on me because I over confiscated for everything with the children, making sure every need was met, and then some. I wanted to make sure the kids knew they were loved and it was nothing they did to cause the split, nor was it anything they did...or didn't do to effect our decisions. Their father was just the way he was... and I couldn't live with him without the thought of killing him in his sleep... ha ha... Not really. And, they needed to love him in spite of himself. He liked his night life partying and other entertainments. His friends were first... then, it was his work... whatever work that was for the moment... they all came before his family did... family was secondary. He never told his family; his Mother and Father about the separation... they didn't know for years... When they did finally find out... I was to blame... not their precious son. I boar that burden too. When the holidays rolled around each year we pretended to be a family and showed up together for the holiday celebration... Now, that was a hilarity all in its self... Keeping it from everyone was a real challenge. The kids and I still laugh about it a lot today... I was more of a family type person who liked being with the kids... doing stuff with the kids, taking them on outings... to their games... and just going places with them.... We did a lot of great stuff together... I had a great time being a Mom... it was just a lot of good times... I loved being a Mom... and found out I was good at it.
And, so the day came when some woman he dated... after our long separation... gave him an ultimatum to either get a divorce from me.... finally.... and marry her, or she would be moving on. I'll just bet right now she had wished she did move on. (they're experiencing some rough spots right now) I wish them both all the best and hope they work the kinks out. He was a hard man to live with... for me. I knew than, as I do now that we were not good for each other. I only would have liked to have been a bit more braver and left the jerk when he walked out on me and the kids the first time around, then divorced him on grounds of desertion. I didn't do that... instead I stayed married to him....on paper.... Heine sight...right!
Unlike what he did to me... My son was in his third year at college, and my daughter was starting her second.... when he dropped a bomb shell on me. He took out an ad in our local newspaper... suing me for a divorce on the grounds of desertion; after his girlfriend gave him the ultimatum to get a divorce from me or else... I'm sure. A friend of mine called me while I was visiting with the kids for the holidays and said," hey, did you know you made the newspapers"? I asked, "what are you talking about"? She told me I was being sued for a divorce by my than husband for desertion... "What", I said; You've got to be kidding me... this is all I could keep saying.... over and over...again... WTF.... after 22 years... "Now", is he joking... what desertion is talking about"?! "I didn't desert anyone... I never left the state. I went to another city in the same state to share the holidays with the kids... for gosh sake" What was he thinking... idiot"! "The kids aren't finished with college yet".... he agreed to wait until they were done with college". "well", she said... I guess he changed his mind. "Okay, thanks for the heads up".... I was miffed!!
I had to drive back with my son to where I lived because he would have to drive another 4 hours to get back to his college. When I got back to town, I quickly purchased a newspaper and turned to the back section....there it was... in all it's glory... for all the towns folks to see and bare witness to.... I guess he was banking on me not reading that section of the newspaper... he was right... I never read the back section of the newspaper.... ever! He knew I would be out of town visiting the kids for the holidays... and took advantage of the time frame. What a dirty rat.... what a sneaky thing to do... We lived in the same town all those years and I never bothered him or messed in his personal affairs... I only remained married to him for the kids sake... and wanted to wait until the kids were finished with college before considering any legal actions like a divorce... he never asked for one before, and we had been married this long already; why make any radical changes now. We had talked about it and agreed on waiting until the children were done with college... he told me he never wanted to get remarried again so what was the hurry.... why now?
This was all I could think about over and over again... running it over and over in my head. I was not a fun person to be around. I wasn't ready to let go. I was hoping he would help me pay for the children's college expenses... What was I going to do now... Odd.... how so many of us think of things in reverse when it comes to situations as untimely as this one. Never thinking ahead... this has always been a problem of mine.
My son was attending an Ivy League private school out of state; costly...very costly; and my daughter was attending a very prestigious college in the state where we lived. What was I thinking... him help me pay for college expenses... ha... this joke was on me.... I and the kids got to foot the bill, togehter !! I'm still paying for colleges..... and will for a while. Thank you very much... What a mess that time was and is now... I'm still coming out of it. I had to say good-bye to the children I so loved, and loved being around; so they could pursue their life long goals... attending college and moving on with their lives, I had to let go of a long over due dead marriage, and I had to lay a great cat, a long time friend of the family's... down to rest .... all in such a short time frame. And, I'll have you know I didn't handle any of it well.... Not well at all....
Gotta Love Me !! I'm lost in the shuffle and it's a public's view....
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