So...Sunday was Father's Day; Happy Father's Day to all Father's and single Moms who served duel roles.... I am not... by any means...a male bash-er. I love the family life; my other half didn't. He just didn't like playing house. His interests and mine differed greatly. I just know, I did the best I could with an if-fie situation. And, getting along with the one I choose wasn't easy. His friends, play time, and work all came first... It wasn't a health environment for my two young impressionable children...When my six year old son came into the kitchen one day to ask for a cookie and referred to me as a "fat ass" I knew there were changes that had to be made. When I asked my six year old son where he had heard this, he said, daddy said it when you left the room...So, I looked at my son and said, "Oh, he did...did he",...I walked back in the living room with my son in hand, where daddy was squatting on the couch, watching a football game on t.v., a place where he never could be pried from when he was at home... I asked him, "why did you call me a nasty name like that in front of our son? He looked at me surprisingly, and said...huh...no...I didn't....and looked at our son and began laughing. I knew he was lying...as he often did... I explained to my son what daddy did was a mean thing and he wasn't to talk to mommy like that ever again, "Okay"...my son never did it again...but I knew than it was only a matter of time. The telephone call from the other woman was the deal-breaker.....So, we went our separate ways.
Being Mom and Dad 24-7 wasn't an easy task. Working two and three jobs just to have enough money coming in to keep me and the kids out of the poor house, and those two children of mine busy enough, doing their kid things....wasn't easy at all. I lived by caffeine alone. Not a day went by without the intake of my many Pepsi drinks. Forget water. Managing my work schedule around the two children's schedule's was a juggling act to be seen.... and quit the mystery to us all. How I managed to maintain and still function without pulling any going Postal acts on anyone, baffles even me... My daughter still wonders how I managed all those feats and never wavered. I managed sports of many varieties; soccer, baseball, and basketball; I also coached a few for my son & daughter; just to name a few. My son's school wanted him for the track team and football team also, he was quit the athlete.... but I had to draw the line somewhere...come on... Coaches...give me a break...when was he suppose to study...when was I suppose to sleep? My two children were also in band throughout their middle school and well into their high school years...
A mom has to get some breaks somewhere... from working, to attending PTA meetings, to shuffling the kids from birthday parties to pool birthday parties...back and forth to and from their endless functions; not to mention the handling of the car pool shuffles here and there. My kids never rode the bus...they rode it once, got off that day after school and said to me," no way they were getting back on that noise thing again.....(that's what I get for having smart kids) ; they said they liked me driving them to school and picking them up; and, that's how it was up til their last years in high school.... and, the time I ran over my son's foot by mistake. He was reaching into the SUV to retrieve his book bag; I thought he had cleared the car and was walking away... some how the book bag was stuck on something and I didn't realize it... still moving the car forward...driving off....and dragged my son and the book bag along side my SUV. You see... his book bag, some how was still attached to the door... it got hooked on something inside the SUV...how that played out is still a mystery to me, yet today. People were yelling and waving their hands while my son was hobbling...trying his best to catch up with me... to get me to stop... he had finally let go of the book bag....which I didn't know I still had and....was still attached to the SUV... something he needed to reclaim for school that day. I steadily continued to pull out of the traffic circle of cars driven by the many sleepy moms delivering their children to school that day. I was continuing to make my way to the main road...heading to the open highway heading
for work. My son was all right, and when I finally did stop to see what all the commotion was all about... I couldn't stop laughing...I told my son I thought people were waving at me to say hello....how was I to know there was a book bag still attached to my vehicle....Hey; I was a sleep depraved Mom.... on the edge back than. Did I mention all the many different school clubs those two "darlings" belonged to, also... How I, all knowingly, managed all of these tasks and still showed up for their Graduations is still beyond me. When did I get to sleep... not while they were at home, that's for sure. I regained the sleep mode through the night after they left home and went off to college.... That's a lie..... Then, started the late calls into the night...of mom, I need this; mom, I need that, can you come down here, can you come up here... and sign this form or can you come and do this for me..... I need it tomorrow.
I got so wrapped up in the daily routine of being needed, giving advice, keeping my two children on track and grounded....that I some how lost myself.... It never dawned on me, that there would ever come a time when those two children of mine wouldn't need me any more. I didn't know what to do with myself when it finally came time for this to happen.... the awful empty nest...
Syndrome hit me like a ton of bricks, falling on top of me. What was I going to do without those two Love's in my life. Letting go....has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do...I know I've said it in another blog... I didn't handle it well at all...as a matter of public fact...I went off of the deep end...ssh..ssh...ssh... don't tell anyone. No one knew...not even the kids. I acted normal enough.... I didn't get really crazy...or anything really strange...I just did stuff really stupidly; rather stupid indeed. This is how I got lost in the shuffle....and now it's a public's view.
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